She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, She's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, no!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

Sooo... get top go see my dad tomorrow
Not looking forward to that.
but it is a 3 day weekend!!! yaya!
XOXO

a warning

Don't you hate it when panic clicks in...?
Makes you vomit?
Shake?
Tears....?
last night... shit... i don't know where to begin..
lets just say that here's a warning!
NEVER GO OUT TO THE DRAGS!
If you knew what happened, you would understand...
Even now 9 hours after... i haven't slept and I'm still shaking

rose is a.... but nugget

rose is a big poo bum

hi there... ru a freak like me?!?!?!?!?1

Siting in English on Wednesday last period...
Went to go get my pen out of my pocket which got caught on my phone and my phone fell out....
Right in front of Mrs Hoggard *shit*
She saw me pick my phone up to put it back into my pocket, and accused me of txting in class under the desk.
IT FELL OUT OF MY POCKET!!!
garr... lol

hello to the world of blog spot!

<------ some fun times with my friends at youth group last week

- Why did God create man before woman? .... Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece

-Keep smiling, it freaks people out!!

fun times with ian and leighton

well its Emma's party tonight... im still not to sure about whether or not i really want to go.
But i have been told that i have to. (thanks Leone)
but ill be there, i might just keep to myself for the majority of the time.
i have work to-day and I'm mega tired at the moment so working 7 hours and then going out will not help. but ill live i suppose.

OVER AND OUT

exams tomorrow!
i have the illness of "don't give a shit" with very minimal study.
Seriously, i can't be bothered

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

my blog has had a make-over! yay loL
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HI

no comment

OVER AND OUT

well its mothers day today!
And from what I've been told i have to buy my mum lunch! damn
Owell shes worth it. After all she has done for she deserves it.

OVER AND OUT

why do people say such things?

Why do people complain so much?
most people have nothing wrong with there lives... and yet more and more teens are becoming suicidal.
Like my best friend for instance, sure his heart has been broken and now his "true love" wont talk to him anymore...but is that really an excuse to wanna end there lives?
I don't think people realise that if they took there lives those closest to them would be effected to.
There family and friends would always live with regret and the guilt for not helping those who need us.
Well now you guys know why i was upset last week. My best friend wanted to end his life. And i didnt know what to do. He's ok now. I just have to watch out for him, and i suppose thats all i can really do.


OVER AND OUT

hello world!
im kinda hyper! I'm happy now, i wasn't last week. But not now!
I go to wellington tomorrow! yay

OVER AND OUT!

an intesting evening...

well i went to a friends birthday party the other night and it didn't end to well.... one guy got way to drunk and ran off down the road completely pissed. my mates had ta tackle him to the ground and when they finally got him we had to call the cops to take him home as he was getting violent and we didn't want him the car as he looked as if he was about to puke and we didn't know what he would do once we got him in there.. so when the cops got him we followed them back into town as one of the guys went in the car with him as this guy couldn't remember his name address etc, buy the time we got to the drunks house he was out of the car and passed out on the front lawn....
i think Ive been to enough drunken party's for now.

then we dropped Jo of home and went for a cruise around town, James attempted to drive, but the car was to powerful for him and staled so many times that i was nearly in tears while josh was attempting to explain to James how to drive his car without bunny hopping down the street

well thats all i can be botherd typeing today...

OVER AND OUT!

im on the road

i don't know where it goes

but still i run

still i hide

and hope ill find a safe place to hide

theres no Turning back

there's no place for me

on this earth

where is my destiny

people hurt

people cry

people don't know my pain inside

but still im on this road again

i still don't know where it goes

photographs show my hurt and pain

that make me vein

and now i must run

run away

from those who cause me so much pain

i run away from all my pain

im having a strange day one of my mats is attempting to black mail me into hooking up with another one of my mates.. and he is failing! lol

OVER AND OUT!

in search of a happier me

o.k! well where do i start?

life recently has been pretty crap, my dad contacted me on Easter weekend knowing very well that it would upset me.
I havent had one day at home when i haven't had a screaming match with my step dad over him insulting me about my weight and my friends etc.
Its supprising how much stuff my step dad picks up on about my friends which i don't like him doing as he will then use it against me.

ok.. the guy i like has gone all weird, one day well be best of mates the next he completely avoids the fact that he likes me to (any-ideas on what to do?)

Fame I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to

fly High

(random positive thought)

So many doubts running through your mind

All the excuses

Don't have the time

All the rejection you have to leave behind

Leave it all behind

Hold your dreams

Don't ever let it go

Be yourself

And let the world take notice

You'll find strength

When people bring you down

They will see

If you will only,

only believe

owell my life is just shit as usual

OVER AND OUT!

LIFE SUCKS

OVER AND OUT!

Well i went to school today ready for a complete blow up between every-one, but guess what!?!?!?
Yes! Your right!
It never happened!

but Owell, i suppose its a good thing as somethings that could have been said would offend some greatly and that wouldn't help even though we have 2 weeks of holidays...

I'm going to wellington on Sunday! Yer Ya!
It's going to be epic! and to make it even better its Easter! yay!

My parents are going away so I'm guna be cruiseing around Feilding on my lonesome! =(
But the good thing is, my brother will be coming to visit me at sometime. Which is good as i haven't seen him in ages and i miss his company at home.
Its almost as if i am an only child.
well that's all for today! ill try to post more blogs over the holidays if i can!


I love you guys!!!

except for alex.... well um... yer.. *cough!* jokeing! i love you all! and dark courners... lol

OVER AND OUT!

i went to the field days today and had an awesome time! one of my mates who plays guitar got up on stage and did the pelvic thrust while performing it was dodgy but looked awesome as the rest of his band was dead serious.

Mrs Jones was driving one of the school vans and she staled so many times it was a crack up! but then she started bunny hopping on purpose (after a while it made you fell sick) and we didn't know if she was going insane or not!

well its time to go get dinner!

OVER AND OUT!

well im of to Wellington tonight to go and view yet another of the arts festival shows that they present each year down there. it should be awsome fun!



well my life at this very moment is going good, i have no grudges and im very open minded at this present time.



"my love life" is pretty boring. nothing is happening between the 18 yr old guy and i but i don't relay mind, if something is meant to happen it will in its own time....

I really must confess that I'm actually in love with long moonlit walks under the haystack (Leone's dog knows all about that) so guys, take the hint. take me for a walk under the haystack sometime. it would be so romantic and i would fully appreciate it :)

O to the J!

Rebecca says she cant fly
rebecca says she cant touch the sky
She drinks OJ every night and day
Opens her mouth and gulps away
Rebecca says she can soar
I see here run into a closed door
and shes complaining about her toothache
because that OJ had a bad taste

TYHANK-YOU LEONE FOR THAT AWESOME SONG.... LOL

well back typing out my music work NOW =)

OVER AND OUT!

read this! but please do not take affense!!! and i mean all of you read it!

well the group i hang out with at the moment are having a few problems and its upsetting me.

I don't like to see them down and that's everyone! I may not be overly close to all 0f you but i can't stand seeing the we treat each other!
Everyday some-one gets offended and everyday we have some-one ignoring some-one else!
Honestly i don't think we need this, there has been so many times when i have been so tempted to just stand up and walk away, even ditch school to get away from you guys...

I come from a home when im frequently in arguments with my step dad (if you guys have meet him you would understand) and then coming to school where people are holding grudges against each other drives me insane!
I must admit that in the past i have held a few grudges of my own but im now over them and its better (Alex) we may not get on as well as we used to but at least we can admit it and we don't let it affect others!

I love you guys! I truly do but at times I just want to strangle you.

Chrissy & Rose: can you please try stop with the penis jokes towards Alex etc as it isn't really helping at all and honestly there getting a bit old. All it does is offends him

Rach: remember that we are all here for you and if you need to talk just lat us know

Alex: i no longer think of you as a jerk you are a good guy i just never really saw it before =)

and i just figured out what you mean about that advice! sorry but i don't have much acess to my blog. but what i think is that she may be over seas and hard to cantact but when she comes to visit you actually make the time to see her and keep in touch and please don't close your blog! i enjoy reading them! and that's both of them! (i have followed your second blog privately for ages) you may not care about this, but im here for you if you ever want to talk! =)

Josie: I MISS YOU!!!

plese don't take affense guys and i know there is more people who read my blog but i can't think of anything that i want to tell you

well back to my music essay that i should be working on....

OVER AND OUT!

pie taste good...

well life is OK at the moment

I haven't spoken to "him" yet, but i will at some-stage.

i think ill just give him his space for a few days as i don't wana seem pusshy.

im going to keryns birthday party thing today and i think it will be fun :)

OVER AND OUT

thanks guys

Well last night i had trouble sleeping as i had so much on my mind about work, friends, guys... and more.
Ive never cared for someone so much before and its scareing the shit out of me! But i still don't know whats going to happen, he has stuff to sort about before we go do anything more. I just hope something does happen. But its still good to know that you guys wont judge me for who i decide to date, if nothing happens at least i still have a good mate who is always there for me when I'm down or just want to chat
thanks guys! and girls...

OVER AND OUT!

HELP ME PLEASE! ADVICE IN GREAT NEED!

hey guys.. i need some advice!
In your own opinion is 18 to old for a guy for me to like/possibly go out with? (I'm 16)
I don't know what to do as we both really like each other but we don't know how all our friends would react is only 2 years and 7 month age gap but our personality's are so perfect and matching that we would be good together. So we are not to sure on what to do!!

help!!! please


OVER AND OUT!

i got four hours sleep

OVER AND OUT!!!!

"Better Off Alone"

I never gave a reason

of why I didn't call

Now I've grown so tired

of lying to myself

It cannot go

what they know

Don't think it's all been a waste of time

Are you better off alone?

Stop lying to yourself

I regret what was said I deny what they know

Are you better off alone?

Those that we admired

All stood their ground and cried

I didn't start the fire

I just tried to see your eyes

It cannot go unsaid

I only want you to know

I think it's all going to

Work out fine

Are we Better Off Alone

Than lying to ourselves

Who cares what they've said?

Who cares what they know?

Are we better off alone

I know that my love I'll send

Could we still be friends?

But this is the end

We're better off alone

Than lying to ourselvesI regret what you say

I don't care what i know

Don't say it's all been a waste of time

Are you better off alone

Stop lying to yourself

It cannot go unsaid

i only want you to know

It cannot go unsaid,

I only want you to know,

think it's all going to work out fine.

if you guys don't know this song its called "better of alone" by grinspoon.

Its a realy great song and makes total sense to me as i can relate to it

OVER AND OUT!

what should i do about tomorrow night with my dad?!?!?!?!?!

right now I'm not in the best mood as I'm starting to panic about tomorrow and i still don't know what to do. I'm thinking i might tell me brother that i don't want to go... he will understand.

But the bonus about tomorrow is that i get to go to palmy so that means shopping! but i can't spend to much as i still owe my mum $100 for my photography fee's which are finally coming into use as we start using the cameras next week. so rach... i might need Ur help :) lol

well i honestly don't know what to write about today, all i know is that i have to make up my mind on what to do tomorrow night, i have choices:
1: go to my brothers, get drunk and risk being near my dad or
2: stay at home where I'm safe, but sober and bored... *sigh*
So i think about it at work tonight.

OVER AND OUT!

another boring pointless blog on my part =)

Okay well, i have work today and im not looking forward to it. It seems that no-one ever gets there breaks on time or never at all.
Im over tird and last night i almost fainted while working due to the heat which isn't a good thing at all, so at the moment im searching online for part time jobs avalibe in feilding.
Its not going to well.
but otherwise my life is good and im starting to realise that i need to be more out going and gain more confidence, i need to stop hiding behind myself and be who i truly am. Theres only very people who know me for who im am and not who i put on to be and that's my family.
Im one of those people who changes who i am to please others. But i know that i need to change that and to show all you guys who i really am and to uncover myself from my mask.

Well my life is getting better, i was kind of depressed on Thursday and i still don't know why but when i got home i snapped at my mum which is very unlike me (we are so close that we don't generally argue) and my mum my knew that something was wrong but i didn't know what to say to her.

I was told to write a deep and thought fill blog today but i have no idea what to write so im just rambling


"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"

i have these quotes stuck in my head at the moment and they are driving me insane!
Its that time again and i have to head of to work, sorry about my blogs being crap im just not having the best week at the moment, to many mood swings :(

OVER AND OUT!

This is only a short post as i have work shortly

well right now im soaking wet! yay
today at school we had swimming sports. i didn't swim but i enjoyed myself, (due to being next to a little someone... LOLIUM)

Te majority of my friends wagged today o it was only a few of us at school, it went alright but there was one bitch fight. At times i wish there was none of this in the world it can ruin a friendship.

Well Ive got to go, tome for work!
Ill write a decent post tomorrow

OVER AND OUT!

the day that i almost cried at school

well Ive been at school for a week now, and already i have a crush on a new guy... the annoying thing is, he doesn't seem to know im here. So slowly im trying to gain the courage to talk to him, but he intimidates me :(

In reading today i almost cried... my teacher was looking at me and had no idea what to do. lolium dam book. its about the author "Alice Seabold" and how she got around to writeing the story "the lovely bones" as a uni student she was raped while returing to her dorm. Its realy sad. I never cry when reading a book so this is saying alot.

honestly i have nothing to write about today, im not worried about anything, im not extremely annoyed at anyone... well im a little annoyed but im pretty sure they are annoyed at me to. But life goes on...

do dum do de...

OVER AND OUT!

"she told me that my pen was a dagger and that my watch was a fading rose in my hand"

To some this phrase would mean nothing, but to me it tells me that i have had somethings said to me that i wish i hadn't heard. While growing up i was constantly saying "i don't want to be here, i don't want to be alive...." due to what i had people tell me, mainly my father and step mum. due to these words my days past but the days were miserable and full of depression. but time is fading away and i realised that i can't go on living this way and i had to make a change, with help from my councilor and my mum and made my time on this planet worth while. no-one should live a life with depression and feeling down due to the way they look/feel about them selves.
there is help out there! you just need to learn where to look and what to look for, it could be a friend, a random person on the street or even a relative. once you have found them you just need to focus on getting better.

well thats all i have to say for now, my mind has gone blank.

OVER AND OUT!

if only i knew your name....

when fear grips your body

and your hearts a humming bird

mixed up signals

a bullet train

cars are switched out in the poring rain

i could meet you any place

if only i knew your name

all this automatic writing

I've tried to understand

i put pen to paper and watch my words stain

i tried to pass for nothing

but my dreams gave me away

mixed up signals

a bullet train

people snuffed out in the brutal rain

i could live to any age

if only i knew your name

mixed up tea leaves

phantom pain

thunder crashes

fuzzy logic in the crazy rain

it's getting better every day

but if only i knew your name

mixed up signals

a bullet train

cars are crashing in the blinding rain

everything would be OK...

if only i knew your name

this a song i wrote but it is still unfinished, but i have no idea who i am talking about.

well my past few days have been OK, i start school again today which in ways is good and other bad. any way when i finally finish my song, ill post it.

OVER AND OUT

the best is yet to come

this is one of my favorite songs of all time at the moment as the lyrics are so true. its called "the best is yet to come" by hinder


My first make-out session I learned my first lesson
While trying to get to the next base
When I slipped past her waist
She smacked my hand away
Then I got a slap in the face
If I could go back in time
Wouldn't change a damn thing in my life
Love the dumb things we do when we're young
But the best is yet to come

(Yeah!)
My first drinking lesson i followed all my friends
Stole liquor went down to the lake
Weed mixed with Whiskey
Hell I got so dizzy it was more than my stomach could take
If I could go back in time
Wouldn't change a damn thing in my life
Love the dumb things we do when we're young
But the best is yet to come

(Oh!)
Go for it
Run toward it
Dive in head first
Live life with no regret
Put your heart out there
Don't be scared You might get hurt
But it's all worth it in the end!
'Cause the best is yet to come

(Yeah-yeah!)
My last high school lesson
Scared of graduation
Tipped a few back and showed up too late
Well my mom got mad hell my daddy he just laughed
and said, son I have to the same thing.

(Oh!)
Just Go for it
Run toward it
Dive in head first
Live life with no regret
Put your heart out there
Don't be scared
You might get hurt
But it's all worth it in the end!
It'll all work in the end!'
Cause the best is yet to come!

i was sitting at home last night when this song started to play and it got me thinking... that all the crap that has happened in our lives so far may have happened, but the best is yet to come. one day we will be able to sit down and look at all our mistakes we have made and laugh it all off.
In ways for me, this is a comforting thought for me and makes me keen to see what my future might bring. well i don't have much time today...
so

OVER AND OUT!

AT 2.30AM ITS REALY HARD TO SPELL "LAMB!"

well its 2.19am and i just finshed watching a sad movie about an all boys school during the second world war. Its heavy shit for after midnight, one boy gets raped by his teacher and another gets beatten to death by a minister. A good movie... but not something to watch at this time of day! at least its light out...... what? don't give me that look! its a fullmoon tomrrow watch out for the werewolves..... RaAr!!!!


"im not looking at them i can't tell"
keryn

"don't drop them in the chicken juice"
also keryn

just to fill you guys in there a freshly killed lamb hanging out in keryns carport atm and she told me not to drop the matress in the chicken juice... eg the liquid oozing out of the lamb....
well time to sleep


OVER AND OUT!

The Tuesday that i can't seem to forget! :(

im sitting here thinking... what should i tell you guys today?
And my mind is completely blank.

I was thinking of typing up a song i wrote but decided against it as i don't wanna offend anyone. any way its called "his lies" and it goes on about how i have lost trust in this one particular person and how now i don't know what to believe. but this is how my life seems to be at the moment, when i think i can finaly trust some-one and tell them almost anything... they go do something that hurts me and i lose my trust in them. Throughout my life as i was growing up it was always the same, i trust people way to easily and then i regret it. i don't know why I'm like this.... but i just am.
I wake up each day and i think about those who i have lost... i think about my best friend over in Brunei and wonder if shes OK, i wake up and wonder how my day is going to end, and about my friends who isn't in the best state at the moment.
it may not seem like it but I'm constantly thinking about others and wondering if they are OK and if i may have offended them with something that i have done or said.

Any way I'm back at school next week, and its going to intresting... my ex is now going out with one of my mates and i still don't know what to think about it. I'm happy for them but im still not sure how i feel about it. I think its going to be hard for the first few days but then ill be o.k, well at least i hope so. It can only get better in the end, all i want is to have one of my best mates back, when he broke up me i didn't only lose my boyfriend but i also lost one of my best mates that i felt i could tell anything.
Before we even went out, he was there when i needed advice on guys and honestly his advice helped. but then he ignored me for weeks i didn't know what to do. to make matters worse when i arived home on the Tuesday that he broke up with me my dad was there and he started shouting abuse at me.. all i could do was break down in tears.
When my mum got home at 5pm she found me in the hallway in a pool of tears and she had no idea what was going on and it took her 2 hours to calm me down. if it wasn't for my mum i would have more than likely had a relapse again. But the next day i went to school and tried to pretend that nothing had happened, but of course i was distant.
i have no idea why I'm posting this. But its all true, and its just what my life is like.

well i got to go
i love you guys XOXO

OVER AND OUT!

my o so fabulous day

well today..... i woke up...... got dressed and tied back my hair.
then i headed into town with my mum and brought myself a mocha.... yummy!
then we headed to the farmers market and got our veges for the week. on the way home we stoped at the b.p for petrol and i got two cans of mother for $3.60 in total! (this is my o so unexciting life...)
this afternoon i got to hang out my buddie keryn where we had random outburst of

"I DON'T NEED PROTECTION! I WAS CHOSEN FOR THIS!!!"


"___________o___________ im a what?!?!?!?!?!"


"DON'T GO TO CLOSE THAT LEMON TREE!!"

the one in here back yard and strange looks as we wondered down the road in matching fluro green tops! Keryn is on a sugar high atm (note to self never give keryn energy drinks...) and for once this week we wernt humming/singing/whistling the wedding march...
well i have nothing else to say for now. I might post a better blog later!

OVER AND OUT

Why can't we live in a positive world?

I was talking to a good friend of mine last night, when we got onto the topic of depression and how difficult it can be to admit when we are felling down or not in the mood to talk. for some people depression can be caused by bullying, family matters, relationships and more. or more serious matters. but for those unlucky people it can lead to self harm, drugs, eating disorders and even suicide. families can lose loved ones due to depression and peoples confidence and trust can be destroyed due to a few simple actions or words like domestic violence.

wouldn't life be so much better without depression in our world?
without it, so many lives would be safe and the world would be a better place.
but I suppose the world will always have depression in it even if it is so disliked by many people. from personal experiences my own depression has made me a stronger person in ways in weaker in others. now i personally have difficulty trusting any male from what happened to me as a child, it may not have been as bad as other peoples experiences but it affected me enough to the stage when i wouldn’t talk to any-one on days on end and no-one was allowed to touch me. not even my mum as i was afraid of what they might do and that they were going to hurt me, in the end I wouldn't let any-one even comfort me, so my mum organized for me to go see a counselor. but at the age of 8 i didn't want to tell a stranger about what happened because I was afraid of my dad finding out and what he might say or do to me. I went through four different counselors until I found one I could trust and talk to.
meanwhile i was hiding from my parents the self harm I was conflicting on myself. it started of with simple cuts on the thighs hidden from the naked eye and slowly increasd to the stage where i would burn myself on the edge of the fireplace or with a lighter in the summer months.
this went on for a year until I finally found the courage to tell my counselor what i had been doing to myself. a year of my thighs covered in cuts and 1st and 2nd degree burns that thankfully didn’t scar.
I had endless nights of when i was crying in pain but each time I refused my mums comforting arms around me but after two and a half years I was finally on the slow road to recovery.
but still to this date when someone asks me if I’m ok and its obvious I’m not I still have trouble admitting that I’m not ok and that I’m on the verge of breaking into tears.
i have learnt that "life isn’t simple"
now my life is full of bright colors and comfort and support from my mum brother and close friends. now my bedroom is painted yellow and my walls are covered in photos of my close friends and happy memories of my childhood. my room is never silent for my thoughts to wonder as t always have music playing in the back-round. I have positive quotes scattered everywhere to read when I’m feeling down. these are just some of the things I do to ensure that I don’t relapse for a third time again or have any more thoughts about suicide.

so "why can we live in a positive world?"
I don't think ill ever know the answer to that, but I’m still going to keep trying and search for the answers in my future. as one of my mates says "L.T.S!" life’s to to short, and he’s right! its to short to be afraid and depressed from past experiences. we all break down at times, but we need to stay strong! for ourselves and for others. weekly I ensure that I personally donate $10 to the Ronald mc Donald charity fund to help others in hard times and I’m thinking of possibly doing some charity work later on this year around the community.

think about it! how can we make the world a better place?

OVER AND OUT

well its Wednesday morning and i just went to sign in at school but to learn that pretty much all my classes clashed!!!!
so now I'm taking: English A
Music
Bio
Catering
Photography
and maths...
I just hope i get some decent people in my classes this year.

My classes were meant to be: English A
Math A
Chem
Music
Photyograpy
and food and nutrition!

So right now I'm not to happy! but i cant stay angry forever. Any way.... yesterday there was a thunder storm and because I'm the strange crazy person I am.... I went running and got completely soaked, when i steeped onto the lino at home there was a puddle of water around me in seconds! But the bonus of that run was, for the 1st time in ages i was truly happy and didn't want to stop but i started shivering and needed to have a shower to keep warm. But that the thing that i love about heavy rain is, I can go running and forget everything that's going on in my life and for a split second be truly happy. Seeing the rain drilling holes into the soil and gravel on the road that I run on set me free, for once I forgot about NCEA, family and all the crap going on with my hormones at the moment and i just soared and let the water saturate me.

Well thats all i have to say for today!
OVER AND OUT!

questions

why am i here?
why am i in this life?
what is my purpose here?
should i eat now or later?
what should i eat?
what would my life be like if i hadn't meet my step dad?
why am i even writing this?
why do people think that makeing them hate you will make it all better?
why do people lead you on and then tell u that its not what they want?
why? just why do people never take the blame when the bullet is embeded in a skull?
why do we shoot the gun?
why do we tell people we are ok when realy we arnt?
why do we give people permision when its not even what you want and the out-come will afect you?
why is the sky blue?
why does it rain?
is my grandad realy watching over me wherve he went when he passed away?
why did jazz get posioned and have to die? (my cat only two years old when she died)
when will i be truely happy again?
why do people have to ruin things by talking you out of it?
why is there so much hate in the world?


life is so full of unswerd questions.... i wish i knew the answers, but if i did what would be the point in even liveing?
and i gota go again
OVER AND OUT!

time goes by...

hey! this is my first blog so blame if its crap, normally i write lyrics to show how i feel but i need a change. Well I'm not working today so I'm just hanging out with my Buddie keryn. but while im on here id like to say sorry to the people who i have offended or hurt.

i start 6th form this year! yay!! i hope this year goes better than my last and that i can sort out some of the problems that i have with my family, mainly my dad as i would like to rebuild the relationship we had together when i was younger but i don't know if that's possible at this very moment

. if you follow this blog you will slowly get to learn what the hell has been going on with me and what made me into who i am today. with the help of my step dad (surprisingly...) i am a stronger person than i once was, he has help me learn to stand up for myself and not let others rule my life and to tell me what to do. without ken i could still be depressed to this dad or not even alive :(

so thanks ken! i know we may not get on to well at times, but you have changed me and me into a stronger person. if you weren't so strict i don't know how mum would have survived with Ben and i. so thanks

well i have to go! ill try write on this blog as often as i can. even if its juat one a week!

OVER AND OUT!